Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize