Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
