I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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