Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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