dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
