She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
