either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
