lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize