every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
