so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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