One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
