guys are not supposed to queef...right?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
