oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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