i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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