i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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