Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
did i just pee glitter
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize