Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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