the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
