His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize