Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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