Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
