she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
