I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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