im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
