and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
