so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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