I just made out with a guy for $7.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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