its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
