i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
