I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
