This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
