My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
