she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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