oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
The struggles of a small town man whore
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
