So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
