Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
