i wish my penis had a tongue
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize