Apparently you make a good broom.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
