just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
