I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
