my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
