If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
