highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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