I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
