and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
As shirtless as possible
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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