and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
