Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
