Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize