I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
