I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
where are you?
Hypothermia
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize