dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
