Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
