It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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