I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
