apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
