Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
