Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
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