Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
