called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
