spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
