Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
