Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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