Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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