The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
