plz talk dirty to me
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
