so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
