He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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