Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
