I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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